What happens when you have the heart of the “Responsible Son” but the life of the “Runaway”? Today we’re talking about the ones who leave not to go wild, but because they feel they’re the only ones who can take care of themselves.

​The Tea:

We all know the parable in Luke 15. The younger son leaves to party, and the older stays to work. But my life didn’t fit that mold, and neither does my daughter’s.

​In my own history, when I was out there on my own, I wasn’t looking for a good time. I was in a literal stance of resentment. I had the spirit of the Elder Brother—I was serious, I was carrying the weight, and I was doing what I had to do to survive. I felt like the one in Luke 15:29 who said, “Look! All these years I’ve been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders.” I was working, even while I was running. But because I was “gone,” the world only saw the runaway. They didn’t see the “responsible” heart that was forced to grow up way too fast.

​Now, I’m watching my daughter walk that same line. She’s out there right now as a runaway. But she isn’t playing; she’s standing in that same heavy, resentful stance I had. She’s convinced herself she has to be in charge of her own survival. She is living out Proverbs 14:12: “There is a way that appears to be right, but in the end it leads to death.” The Theological Truth:

This brings us to a deep theological principle: The Sin of Self-Sufficiency. We often think sin is only “doing bad things,” but theology teaches us that it is also the desire to be our own god—to rely entirely on our own strength rather than trusting in the Father. Both the runner and the stayer are struggling with Alienation. The younger son is alienated by distance, but the older son (and my daughter in her stance) is alienated by Self-Righteousness.

​Another principle at play here is Prevenient Grace—the grace that seeks us out before we even know we need it. Just as the Father in the parable went out to plead with the angry son, God’s grace is pursuing my daughter in her resentment, even before she “comes to her senses.”

​The Real Talk:

It is incredibly hard to show grace to a runaway when they aren’t “humbled.” My daughter isn’t looking back yet. It’s hard to reach someone who has the armor of the Elder Brother but the distance of the Younger Brother.

​But I’m learning that this is where God’s plan is the most crucial. To reach her, I have to follow the example of the Father. He reminds us in Ephesians 4:32 to “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” This is the principle of Imago Dei, recognizing the image of God in her, even when it’s covered by layers of hurt and rebellion.

​The Reflection:

To my daughter: I see your stance. I know it because I lived it. I know you feel like you’re the only one who can hold your world together.

​But remember Matthew 11:28: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” Theologically, we are called to Sabbath, to stop the “work” of trying to save ourselves and rest in the fact that we are already loved.

​Showing grace to a child who thinks they don’t need it is the hardest part of the plan, but it is necessary. We have to break the cycle of our children feeling they have to run just to survive.

​Sip on that. How do we lay down the “work” of our resentment and accept a grace we didn’t “earn”? Let’s talk about it.