Why I Pour Grace for Those Who Tried to Break Me

There’s a kind of cruel drama some people love to inflict: the moment they realize they’re in the wrong, they quickly flip the script and try to make you the villain.

I know what that feels like. I’ve been in situations where I spoke a truth that needed to be heard, only to be met with the defensive sneer: “Who do you think you are to tell me?” They never stop to consider the message; they only focus on tearing down the messenger. They needed a bad guy for their story, and I was the easy choice.

I’ve been done profoundly wrong by many people. I’m talking about real, life-altering damage, the kind that broke down the old version of myself. Yet, if you look at my life now, those same people are the ones I choose to help and pray for.

Why?

It’s not because I’m a saint. It’s not because I’ve forgotten the pain.

The “Tea” is that this choice is rooted in one of the deepest truths of the Gospel, filtered through a core truth I had to learn the hard way: Grace does not mean limitless access.

The Power of Boundaries: No More Abuse

When I chose forgiveness, I had to learn that grace does not equal permission.

For a long time, I mistook turning the other cheek for being a perpetual doormat. But the most important lesson learned through all the damage and destruction was this: Once my boundaries were in place, no one could use or abuse me again.

Setting a boundary isn’t a lack of love; it’s a form of spiritual self-defense. It is the concrete act of creating space between their brokenness (their destructive habits) and my inherent worth (my Imago Dei). I can pray for someone’s well-being and offer them forgiveness from a distance, without ever letting them back into my life to inflict the same harm.

This separation is what gives the grace power. It ensures that the peace I’ve built is protected. I can recognize their struggles and forgive them for their past, but my life, my heart, and my energy are no longer available for their continued destruction.

The Theology of My Reward

Ultimately, my motivation isn’t to fix them or even to get them to acknowledge their wrong (though that would be nice!). My primary motivation is the reward the Lord promised us in heaven.

When Jesus said, “Blessed are you when people… falsely utter all kinds of evil against you on my account,” he wasn’t just giving us a nice thought; He was giving us a spiritual contract. He was saying:

Your suffering is not wasted. It is documented and redeemed.
Your reward is guaranteed. The more falsely you are attacked for doing good, the greater the weight of glory you are accumulating.

When I choose to love my enemies and pray for those who persecute me (Matthew 5:44), I am not losing. I am actively investing in an inheritance that cannot be destroyed by any earthly drama, lie, or betrayal.

I’m not trading their evil for my own. I’m trading my right to revenge for God’s promise of vindication. I don’t have to seek justice; I just have to overcome evil with good (Romans 12:21)—and sometimes, the greatest good I can do is to hold the line and refuse to be destroyed.

So, the next time someone tries to hand you the “bad guy” role, remember the tea: your decision to pour out grace from behind a firm boundary is not just an act of kindness; it’s an act of faith, wisdom, and self-respect. You are securing your reward, and that’s a divine transaction worth making every single time.