​When “Unwanted” Becomes God’s Chosen

​There are some things in life you just can’t unsee, unfeel, or unlearn. For a long time, I carried the deep, bone-weary weight of being unwanted. Not just disliked, but genuinely, physically, and mentally hated by my own mother.

​The sheer volume of cruelty when I was little was so overwhelming that I often wished I hadn’t been born. I wasn’t suicidal, not exactly. But there was a constant, exhausting internal power struggle to justify my existence, to hold onto life when every day felt like being “thrown away.”

​For years, I tried to find a reason, a fault in myself, that could explain her hatred. But here is the absolute truth I finally had to accept, a truth straight from the scriptures: I don’t think this is anything for me to understand. It was the enemy trying to silence a calling before it could bloom.

​Her rejection didn’t make me worthless; it made me a living example of a stone the builders rejected, yet one God has chosen (Psalm 118:22, 1 Peter 2:4). My job wasn’t to solve her cruelty; it was to survive it, knowing I was already known by the Father.

​The Butcher Knife on the 6th Floor

​I was seven years old when I watched my mother stand in front of our sixth-floor apartment window, holding a butcher knife, threatening to jump or stab herself.

​That kind of terror is an image seared into your DNA. That moment was the psychological terror that underscored every day of my life. A child should never have to process that instability, but sometimes, God allows us to walk through the fire so that we are forged in His image. He promised: “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you… when you walk through fire, you shall not be burned” (Isaiah 43:2). I walked through that fire and didn’t come out smelling like smoke.

​The Contrast: Surviving vs. Thriving

​To truly understand the journey, you have to understand the starting line. My life wasn’t just hard; it was a constant battle to build a foundation that others were simply given by grace.

Traumatic Upbringing (My Path)	Non-Traumatic Upbringing (A Baseline)
Foundation is Chaos: Home was hostile and unpredictable. The world view is wired for disaster and betrayal.	Foundation is Secure: Home was safe and nurturing. The world view is wired for trust and expectation of good.
Energy Allocation: Immense energy is spent managing anxiety and hypervigilance (survival mode).	Energy Allocation: Full energy is allocated toward goals, creativity, and development (learning mode).
Self-Worth: Internal messages are “I am unwanted.” Success triggers imposter syndrome and the fear of being undeserving.	Self-Worth: Internal messages are “I am loved.” Success triggers confidence and the pursuit of bigger goals.

In short, I had to fight just to establish a baseline of safety, stability, and self-worth that many people receive as a birthright. Every achievement I have is not just a gain; it’s a victory over a fundamental deficit others never had.

​Escaping the Unthinkable: Divine Preservation

​When I was 12, I ran. I became a runaway and was homeless until I was 19.

​Leaving the abuse and terror wasn’t just survival—it was my first true act of divine obedience. It was me winning that long internal power struggle because God was fighting for me. My decision to leave, even with nothing, was me choosing the path of the wilderness, trusting that the hand that shielded me from abuse would continue to feed and guide me (Deuteronomy 8:2).

​The Master’s Diploma and the Silence

​I recently earned my Master’s diploma in Mental Health Coaching.

​This diploma is the culmination of years of intense work. It represents a victory over fear, a dedication to healing, and a commitment to transforming my trauma into purpose. I have literally armed myself with the wisdom and compassion needed to help others navigate the kind of internal darkness I was thrown into. It is the fulfillment of the promise that what the enemy meant for evil, God used for good (Genesis 50:20).

​And my mother’s reaction? Silence.

​She hasn’t said a word about it. She doesn’t care.

​But beloved, that silence doesn’t diminish my achievement; it confirms that my approval comes from a higher source. I was once rejected by an earthly mother, but I am now fully validated by the Almighty Father, who knew my steps before the foundation of the world. This is not just a degree; it is the physical manifestation of my superpower: I was homeless, but God sheltered me. I was wounded, but Christ healed me. Now, I have been commissioned to coach others to their own deliverance.

​I don’t need to understand why they hated me. I just need to hold onto the truth of Romans 8:28—that in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him.

​If you have a similar story, or if you’re battling your own internal struggle today, remember this: the strength you use to keep showing up is the Holy Spirit at work. We aren’t defined by the damage they caused, but by the fact that we got up and walked away from it with our purpose in hand.

​Now, that’s the real God’Sip and Tea. You made it, and God did it!