Are you holding a grudge? About?

Friends, if you’re joining me for God’Sip and Tea today, prepare for a mug full of honesty, because we’re diving into one of the heaviest burdens the human heart can carry: the grudge.

I used to be an expert grudge-holder. And let me tell you, a grudge is not just a weight; it’s an entire garbage bag full of them. I carried a whole lot. Some were small, almost negligible as a snide look, an offhand comment that pierced deeper than it should. Others were monumental, born from profound hurts: abuse, betrayal, life-altering injustices that left deep scars.

But then, there are the “unseen grudges”, the ones you didn’t even know were there because you were born with them. Ingrained into our very DNA, these are the generational pains, the systemic wounds, the learned distrust that shapes our worldview before we even have words for it. They come out in ways we don’t even pay attention to, silently dictating our reactions, our fears, our protective walls.

The Sea of Healing: A Universal Weight

Recently, as part of the Rising Intercessors, I participated in a ceremony called the Sea of Healing. This wasn’t just an exercise; it was a profound spiritual release where we were invited to metaphorically cast our grudges into God’s vast ocean of grace. What struck me most was the universality of this weight. I was surrounded by men and women, many older and seemingly more “seasoned” in their faith than me, crying out, letting go, their tears echoing the sorrow and hurt that we all, in our human frailty, carry. To witness that collective unburdening was a process I truly believe every Christian should experience, especially when culminated by the humility of a foot-washing ceremony.

I learned that day, and in the journey since, that grudges come at the expense of life itself. They cost you every single day.

The Daily Toll: What Grudges Really Cost You

• They can shape your identity. Holding onto resentment can trap you in a “victim in life” mindset. It’s a subtle shift where the past injustice, though real, begins to define who you are, making it harder to see your resilience, your strength, and your agency.
• They distort your accountability. When you’re fixated on someone else’s wrongdoings, it’s incredibly easy to overlook your own part in the ongoing narrative—your reactions, your lingering anger, your refusal to move forward. This isn’t about blaming you for the initial hurt, but about recognizing that your response and your peace are ultimately your responsibility.
• They give away your power. This is perhaps the most painful truth. When you cling to a grudge, you grant the person who hurt you continued power over your emotional state, your thoughts, your very present moment. You become a hostage to the past, keeping the other person, in a sense, still in control.

That’s a heavy thought, isn’t it? To realize that what you thought was protecting you was actually imprisoning you.

What Does God’s Word Say? A Theological View of Forgiveness

This isn’t just a personal struggle; it’s a theological one, deeply rooted in the very fabric of our faith. Systematic theology helps us understand this through several lenses:

• The Nature of God: Our God is fundamentally a God who forgives. His holiness demands justice, but His mercy provided the way. He models the ultimate act of releasing a debt that was owed.

• The Work of Christ (Atonement): The cross is the ultimate answer to the problem of sin and forgiveness. Jesus’ death was the payment for our rebellion, satisfying God’s justice. Because we have received such an immeasurable, undeserved grace, we are not just asked but mandated to extend that same grace to others. “Forgive as the Lord forgave you” (Colossians 3:13).

• The Human Condition (Original Sin): Our inclination to cling to grudges is not just a bad habit; it’s a manifestation of our fallen nature. We are inherently prone to bitterness and self-protection, choosing our “right” to be angry over God’s command to love. In a sense, holding a grudge can become a form of idolatry, where we elevate our own pain and desire for vindication above God’s will.
• The Journey of Salvation (Sanctification): Becoming a Christian means being “justified”—declared righteous—but it also means entering a lifelong process of “sanctification,” becoming more like Christ. Releasing grudges is a central, non-negotiable part of this process. It is the Holy Spirit working in us to chip away at our stubborn hearts. Remember the parable of the unforgiving servant (Matthew 18:21-35)? It’s a stark reminder that our inability to forgive others reflects a profound misunderstanding, or perhaps even a rejection, of the immense forgiveness God has shown us.

Reclaiming Your Power: The Call to Freedom

Letting go of a grudge isn’t about saying what they did was okay, or forgetting the pain. It’s about making a conscious choice to no longer allow their actions to define your present or steal your future. It’s about taking back the power you unknowingly surrendered.

It’s an act of profound faith, trusting that God sees, God knows, and God is the ultimate judge and vindicator. It’s an act of obedience, responding to the grace you’ve received. And ultimately, it’s an act of radical self-love, freeing yourself from a prison you didn’t even realize you were building.

So, as we sip our tea today, I invite you to reflect on our prompt:

Are you holding a grudge? About what?

Could it be time to cast it into the Sea of Healing, and reclaim your peace?